Things I Learned at Disneyland

We pulled into our driveway at 1:30 a.m. last night (2-17-09), after spending a wild six day trip to/from L.A. to visit Disneyland and the beach. Yes, the kids and I all swam in the ocean (got wet hair and everything) on Sunday when it was 55 degrees.

Here are some of the things I learned on our vacation:

In-N-Out burgers look and smell much better going in than coming out.

If a child throws up as you are leaving the last southbound exit to Las Vegas, the next exit with a gas station (public bathroom) is approximately 30 miles down the road.

That 30 miles is the worst part of the whole trip.

When that is the 6th time a child has blown chunks on the trip, it has gotten pretty old by then.

When a hotel puts two double beds in a bedroom approximately 3 feet apart, they are just asking for kids to jump back and forth.

Kids really enjoy pushing all of the buttons on an elevator, but become violently angry when another child pushes a button when it was not that child's turn.

Certain unsupervised children (thankfully not mine) see no need to use a towel when going from the outdoor pool to their room (using the elevator).

If the hotel puts an empty pitcher in a hotel suite, some adult guests will insist they are entitled to fill the pitcher with milk from the dispenser at the breakfast buffet, even when the polite staff tell them that is not allowed... "Do you want me to take the milk up to my room one glass at a time?!" The man demanded. (Thankfully not part of our group).

If you have the option, bring a family member with a handicap hanger for your car -- improves your parking options drastically.

Waiting an hour to have your picture taken with two fairies is way too long, unless you are a ten year old girl.

It never gets old to make the following kinds of comments while waiting in line for your child to get a photo with Winnie the Pooh and Tigger:
"I've never waited so long to take a picture of poo."
"Watch out, kid, you just touched poo."

They don't allow beggars or "unofficial" street performers to play for money in Disneyland... which is nice. But, they have countless vendors selling products designed to be irresistable to all small children every ten feet. Okay, I bought some crap for me, too.

After three days, a $4 water doesn't seem like such a bad deal.

None of the rides actually make money fall from your pockets -- they're much more subtle about separating you from your money.

The following people really annoyed me:

1. The group of four wide-bodies that had to walk abreast and go about half as fast as everybody else.
2. The people who stopped in the middle of a traffic flow for no aparent reason.
3. The guy who farted as he left the area waiting to get on the Tower of Terror, which lingered in the waiting area for us to enjoy.
4. The official photographers who insist on taking pictures of your family and then explain to you how you can purchase those photos.
5. The upper-middle aged woman and her family directly in front of us who had to sit down every two feet as we progressed through the 75 minute waiting line at Space Mountain.
6. Line crowders .
7. The teenagers who had to make-out while in line directly in front of my kids.
8. The grouchy worker who insisted my three year old put his shoes on immediately before leaving the fairy place. Sheesh, after waiting an hour in line, the kid had to entertain himself -- was counting toes that offensive?
9. The people walking against the flow of traffic.
10. The guy who decided body odor was an effective tool to get ahead in line, or at least get extra space around him.

Kids like scary rides much more after the ride is over. The moment before the ride starts, they are not so sure they still want to ride.

If you tease a 12 year old boy about riding the Tower of Terror with his eyes closed and head between his knees (he didn't even know there were windows at the top) he will ride it again and even hold his hands in the air to prove how brave he is -- ah, peer pressure at Disneyland.

Once a 10 year old girl decides she did not like the Tower of Terror -- that it was too scary -- don't even bother teasing her about it, her mind is made up and she won't get on the thing again.

The same 10 & 12 year olds who threw up 6 combined times on the ride to California can ride all of the scary rides without hurling once. I consider that a Disney Miracle.

Once kids, mothers, and grandmothers get thoroughly soaked from the rain, they really only want to go back to the hotel and get warm and dry. They're funny that way.

Moms don't want to go on Splash Mountain in the rain -- don't ask.

Once a 76 year old grandmother rides the Matterhorn, she's pretty-much done riding roller coasters, unless you count the Winnie the Pooh ride -- which turned out to be her favorite.

All of the girls who work at Disnelyand are really nice to you, but that doesn't mean they're "coming on to you" -- still, it's fun to tease a 12 year old boy that they are interested in him.

It was really fun to make an off-hand comment loud enough to be overheard that the the teenage girls who just sat in front of us on the Tower of Terror might want to wear their raincoat hoods in case Benjamin threw up again. (They were brave and didn't actually pull their hoods up.)

Valentines Day evening at Disneyland is not terribly romantic for you and your sweetheart if your 12 year old son comes along and rides with his mom on all of the rides. But it was still really fun.

3 year old boys love to spin as fast as you can on the teacup ride -- even if they can't sit up because you are spinning so fast.

When a semi truck crashes and is burning in the roadway ahead of you blocking traffic for over an hour, some people will let their kids out of the car to go check it out.

Nick and Laurel will gladly attend a Samoan Sacrament Meeting if you give them the address to the closest church (even if you wait to attend the later, English-speaking meeting).

If you can go to the park with more family, do. Then, you can ride the exciting rides with your brother-in-law while your wives and kids get soaked at the kiddie rides. It's okay if you don't feel too guilty about it, but its better if you act sorry at the time.

It was an awesome vacation -- we all loved it and had a fun time. I'm sure Rochelle will write about it too.